By Malcolm Hunt
The three questions kept staring at her for three hours. The deep and cutting silence offered no distraction. She stared back at the three questions. They continued to gaze into her soul waiting for a response. “Why these three questions?” she impatiently asked. “Because they have the power to release you”, I gently and softly replied.
Naikan is an intensive meditation process revolving around three questions.
What have I received from this person or event?
What have I given to this person or event?
What troubles or difficulties have I caused this person or event?
Naikan originates from a Japanese Pure Land Buddhist meditation of introspection – thus the word Naikan from the Japanese words Nai = inner and Kan=observation. It was first developed for public use by Yoshimoto Ishin (1916-1988) and is now widely used as a psychotherapy in Japan and China and is fast gaining interest in the West as more formal psychotherapies have failed to nourish the soul.
What of the relevance of the three questions?
Fran Peavy in her book Strategic Questioning stated: “Questioning can change your entire life. It can uncover hidden power and stifled dreams inside of you...things you may have denied for many years.” The three Naikan question are strategic questions that have hidden power.
They are strategic because a strategy is necessary to help dismantle a state of mind that has often brought us to live with an undercurrent of despair and unhappiness. A strategy is necessary to bring us to a view of life that enables us to see the gift of life. A strategy is necessary to break down the solid wall of ego we have built around us to imprison us in a state of ignorance and delusion and perpetual unhappiness. These three questions are the strategy and medicine for our soul to have life.
The three questions are about relationship. This is no coincidence. The harmony or disharmony, whatever is prevalent, is at the core of our mental and spiritual health. The quality of our relationships with each other and our environment have a direct bearing on our behaviour as well as the quality of our inner life. In Buddhism it is understood that nothing exists by or for itself and that causes and conditions give rise to effects for better or for worse. Our earliest relationships were with our father and mother or lack of these two key persons. Naikan always begins with meditation and introspection upon these two relationships for obvious reasons. It is upon these relationships that our future relationships are formed. However, our relational life is almost always colored by our perceptions. If father gave me gifts then he must be a good person is my reasoning from my perceptions. Conversely, if my father ignored me then he must be a bad person. Have you ever heard three people in the one family having a discussion about their parents? Sometimes you would think they are talking about different people. This is because their perceptions are different depending upon how the ego has interpreted the relationship. The art of Naikan is to bring us to a realistic view of our relational life (which is all of life) by narrowing the questions to the essence of relationship – that of giving and receiving. Here Naikan is not speaking about the giving and receiving of negative things but rather the giving and receiving of the gifts of life. This is not a burying of one’s head in the sand to the negatives and pain of life but rather living of life in its fullness from “giftedness” and “gratitude.” When we are able to live life from these two states then life takes on a different form. A transformation takes place. Giving and receiving are the Yin and Yang of our inner relational life. When we begin to observe life through these two then there is harmony and joy.
It is easy to be critical of the problems others have caused us. It is easy to point the finger. However when we view life from this vantage point we begin to wither like a flower without water. It is said that when we point a finger towards another there are always three pointing back at us.
In the traditional Naikan process only 40% of our time is spent on the first two questions but 60% spent on the last one: “What problems and difficulties have I caused this person?”
Again this is a strategic question. The first two questions are sugar medicine. The third is a bitter but life-giving pill. Naturally this question arouses feelings of shame and guilt. Unfortunately in Western society we have tended to avoid more and more the unpleasant feelings in place of the happy, fuzzy, feel-good feelings. I always have strong emotional reactions to this section when I am teaching the Introduction to Naikan workshops. “How can I be asked to look at what problems I caused a father who was constantly emotionally abusive?” a young man recently asked me with an air of anger and frustration.
In Buddhism we note that one of the distinguishing marks between human and animals is the human ability to feel shame and act upon the feeling accordingly. This third question leads us to our humanity. It is interesting that I almost always hear anger in the voices of objection to the third question. Anger when unrestrained has done untold violence damage to humanity. The anger and frustration come from the ego or ignorance within us. The ego would do all it can for us to live a life of delusional short-term feel good feelings and never know deep inner Joy. Further, in Tibetan Buddhism there is no word for “guilt” corresponding to the English concept. The Tibetan word that comes close carries with it a sense of “personal integrity”. I think this is are better words than the word ‘guilt’ as guilt implies punishment and in Buddhism the only person to punish us is ourselves and this misses the point entirely. When the warning light comes on that the aircraft is off track the pilot does not hit the hell out of the warning light!! He simply makes what adjustments are necessary and brings the craft back on course. This is integrity. We all have personal integrity. This is manifest in the Buddha nature within each and every one of us. When we move away from our Buddha nature it is like moving away from the warmth of a fire on a cold winter’s night. When we move away from our personal integrity we have an emotion of shame which motivates us to move back to our Buddha nature. This is what the third question does.
In the Art of Naikan we are the artists of our own life assisted by the gentle support of the Naikan Guide or therapist. The three questions are the colours upon the artist’s palette. Finally from these three questions we are able to paint a picture of our life from a different perspective, one which we have rarely seen before, one from the perspective of life’s gifts. With a deep sense of gratitude we are able to move forward with a spring in our step knowing that the gift of life and ourselves are one. This is abundance. This is Joy.
Malcolm Hunt is a Naikan and Mindfulness Therapist and Trainer working in China and Sydney Australia
